This New York City Domestic Violence Awareness Event Arguably Fell Flat.

One year after leaving a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, 22-year-old Kamila Young attended a Domestic Violence Awareness event on November 15th, organized by Comites NY, a women’s rights nonprofit in Manhattan. The event featured a roundtable discussion with attorneys specializing in criminal, family, and immigration law, as well as a licensed therapist trained in domestic violence response. The panel aimed to raise awareness about the complexities of abusive relationships and the resources available for victims in New York City.

However, Young left the event feeling disappointed and concerned that the discussion may not resonate with those who need it most. “I never would have reached out to a hotline because I didn’t recognize it as a fully abusive situation until months after I had left,” she remarked. “I remember feeling confused; the relationship felt unhealthy, but I wasn't ready to label it as ‘abusive.’”

Young’s experience is far from unique. Many women struggle to identify themselves as victims of abuse, despite having experienced it. A 2018 study conducted by Cosmopolitan.com/UK, in partnership with Women's Aid, revealed that 34% of women reported experiencing sexual or emotional abuse from a romantic partner. Furthermore, 43% indicated they had faced at least one potentially abusive behavior from their partner.

Reflecting on her own path, Young noted, “I remember my friends would say, ‘he's so manipulative.’ Yet, when they said that, I felt an overwhelming emotional disconnect. I thought, ‘I don't even know what that word means.’” She expressed a desire for the panel to have addressed the emotional challenges women face when deciding to leave abusive relationships.

Abby Stein, a former researcher and associate professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, emphasized the internal struggles women often encounter in these situations. “Abused women frequently suppress their anger, making it difficult to recognize their agency and the ability to leave,” she explained. Young’s feelings resonate deeply with this sentiment; her confusion during her abusive relationship made it significantly harder for her to seek help.

Part of Young’s disappointment stemmed from the discussion’s focus on legal obstacles, which, while significant, did not fully address the emotional complexities surrounding abuse. Experts like Stein note that resources available to domestic violence victims often prioritize material needs—shelter, childcare, employment, and legal protection—yet leaving such relationships remains a profound challenge.

Young stated, “It’s just so much more intricate than simply thinking, ‘he was nice at first and then he was mean.’” She highlighted how this oversimplified perspective can hinder one's ability to recognize abuse and lead to silence among those who might fear speaking ill of their loved ones. Licensed social worker and panel speaker Alessandra Sabbatini acknowledged these complexities, stating, “People stay in violent relationships for many of the same reasons they stay in healthy ones. They hold onto hope and desire to see things improve.”

Young concluded, “When the conversation revolves solely around viewing someone as either good or bad, it leaves many feeling unheard and disconnected. The narrative should empower women to trust themselves more rather than focusing solely on the untrustworthiness of others.” As conversations around domestic violence continue, it is crucial to create a supportive environment that acknowledges the complexities of these experiences and encourages open dialogue.